8 F Y R E ' B I R D 8

i often notice that november can be a challenging month for me. the season of fall brings a lot of letting go, of slowing down. a surrender to darkness as teacher. akin to the luteal phase of menstruation, my energy starts the turn inward. I move a lot slower. My healing is heavy with letting go of anything that I do not need for the bare, silent wisdom journey of winter.   i get panic attacks more often in the fall. my nervous system tracks the descent into colder, darker days, and my soma slows down. My body gets more heavy, I want to sit near fires and not do as much. i’m interested in how i have been taught to believe that my body is not mine. as a body that has been invaded, i am curious about how my body becomes a war zone. how me against myself has been implanted and fed in me by social forms and systems of oppression. i am so interested in how the ancestors teach me about beauty amidst struggle, outer or inner. kindness and gentleness towards myself, truly, holding spa...

Summer now feels like a faraway dream.   My body is becoming used to the cold, constricting feeling of Fall. The sharp turn of temperature that makes me contract. For very long I have been taught that to contract is a sign of weakness, is “bad”. I do not see this as true anymore. Contraction is a natural cousin to expansion. They need one another.   Whenever I experience a full-fledged expansion, where my wings are full spread and I am offering myself to the world with a lot of generosity, I know that there will come a time when I will curl back inside myself again, and retreat. Being mentored by the cycles of nature have taught me this, as well as being mentored by my own inner cycles, of blood, of energy, of emotions.   This summer was very intense on my body. My nesting partner and I moved out of our home, and we also traveled a lot. Neither of us particularly enjoyed this. There was also family griefs we were moving with and a whole year of feeli...

we are beginning to feel autumn bite at our fingertips. it nips at the tips of our ears and tickles the inside of our necks, not yet covered by scarves.   i love autumn. i love this witch bitch, sad boygirl fall. i love when things get colder, leading us to gather warmth around fires, with loved ones, and in our hearts.   my ancestors know something about how to keep and stay warm throughout the winter months. i am thinking of my slavic peoples, who braved beautiful and terrible winters for generations.   there is one in me who is thinking about stocking, taking stock, and preparing for the colder months to come.   i am in a new home. with a new view. i am next to green again, writing with green. is this home perfect? no, but what is. i am learning to let go of my deeply embedded perfectionism that white supremacy and colonialism has taught me. i do not need to be perfect. neither does anything around me .   letting go of this is libe...

we carve mountains out of our spine because that is how the earth taught us.   the earth taught us some things.   the earth taught us about poetry, about being gentle, about being fierce.   the earth teaches us about time.   about when to express and shine   and when to be hidden and withdraw withdrawing one’s energy into oneself   and becoming darkness is sacred   our world does not remember this   our world is only fruiting and harvesting   there is no awareness of “death” in our world   i want to be an awareness for death in this world  

monday, april 15th, 2019 :: waxing moon  how our hands hold dream how we are making dreams when we  cook love, for our beloved, with our hands  when we cook yams, and beets, and greens  and how this gives us our hands back to us  how we fall in love with experience  how we handle, tangle, and disturb even the outsides  of what we want  i am in so much pain  i am in so much physical pain today  and i am breathing with it and then pausing to weep  the weeping comes out of my body sometimes sometimes the weeping does not stop  sometimes i wonder how much longer i will be grieving my mothers grief  how can i make separate her grief from mine? when really,  it is a line of beckoning hands showing me their scars  and how can i say no?  how can i say no to my own kin?  i can .  i can s...

today, our limbs got heavy. the air swirled around us and contained traces of fire and ash.  today, our lungs constricted a bit, and our tempers spiked.  i hear the voice of my mother in my head,  talking to me about prevention, preparation, and resilience.  i spent a portion of my day tending to the youth.  this is a sacred job. in all the different ways that people do that, as parents, as caregivers, as nannies and babysitters, as teachers. those who tend to the youth in terms of childcare and mentorship. it is a sacred job.  we must have boundaries with technology. this is something i learned today when being with an eight year old. the way they feed us technology and make us become addicted on it is fascinating. kids as old as two or three can be seen staring into a screen, and i deeply believe that this changes our brain functioning and is part of some sick idea driven by republican (&some democrat) aliens to merge our bodies wi...

.... coming soon .....