8 F Y R E ' B I R D 8

4.12.20 who i have been, and who i will become, hovering in this present moment like the humming bird i saw quivering outside of my window this morning. humming birds, in their beingness, remind me of joy, joy perhaps at the arrival of spring, or joy for no reason at all but just because.   i’m learning to relax my shoulders. as i’m learning to relax my shoulders, i’m learning to also let go of what is not mine to carry and leave the responsibility of changing others behind. it’s not my responsibility to change how others will navigate this moment, or the next, or how we will even transform society together. it is more about: me, being me, and changing myself, for that is really the only thing i have control over, and if that inspires someone else, me being me, than so it is.   to be on earth in these times. i do feel that i chose to come here for a reason, and i can feel the ancestors hands beckoning, and i feel the weight slide off as i remember bayo’s words: ...

tonight, i am choking up a fire, tonight the water in me burns and somehow this happens, inside me, making no sense, making only the sense, the sense ripped away from my lungs, my body decaying, how can i hate you and love you both at the same time, paradoxes dwell in me, i suppose this is like when traveling the rocky road home (to oneself) i tell myself to comfort as i push my foot farther down my own throat, yearning for some kind of intensity, some kind of relief from the pain of missing you, of missing me, of not knowing if i can trust myself on the night rides home, always knowing that i can trust something like my capacity to feel such extremities, such extreme seas, always getting closer to the one who i call Mars in me   tonight, i am remembering warmth and my ability to move with it, to move with the raging rivers in me, and not be drowned, somehow keep my head above water, my ear cocked to the horizon, knowing whispers that remind : hiding my queerness is survi...

monday, april 15th, 2019 :: waxing moon  how our hands hold dream how we are making dreams when we  cook love, for our beloved, with our hands  when we cook yams, and beets, and greens  and how this gives us our hands back to us  how we fall in love with experience  how we handle, tangle, and disturb even the outsides  of what we want  i am in so much pain  i am in so much physical pain today  and i am breathing with it and then pausing to weep  the weeping comes out of my body sometimes sometimes the weeping does not stop  sometimes i wonder how much longer i will be grieving my mothers grief  how can i make separate her grief from mine? when really,  it is a line of beckoning hands showing me their scars  and how can i say no?  how can i say no to my own kin?  i can .  i can s...

we are walking through worlds, right now. the sun & the earth are shifting, literally beneath and above and between us. (there was an earth quake in so-called california on wednesday). by studying human design’s system of transits, by studying the patterns of the stars & planets and their cycles above, we can sense what plays out below. how “the Sun is conjuct Ketu in Hexagram 60, Limitation, the Gate of Acceptance, and the Earth is conjunct Rahu in Hexagram 56, the Wanderer, the Gate of Stimulation. Uranus in Hexagram 3, Difficulty at the Beginning, the Gate of Order. All together these energies are creating the Channel of Mutation” (from @humandesignlife, check out her work!)   this is a time of becoming deeply aware of our own limitations. what can we do, and what can we really not do? we have real, physical, tangible limitations. like it’s hard to love you if i am not also loving myself. i recently made a list of things i can do, and things i can’t do. ...