when i came out to my cis-het boyfriend as genderfluid, he asked me what that meant. when i explained it to him, he said: “that’s weird”. we were driving in the car. he was driving. he quickly looked over at me afterwards, as my face, space, and whole being was impacted by the weight of his statement. horror, pain, and grief erupting through my eyes. tears beginning to rush. needless to say, i broke up with him. it took me awhile, but that moment taught me who i wanted close to me as i transitioned (and who i didn’t want close to me). it taught me self-care, boundaries, and respect. it tacught me to see how ingrained self-erasure had become for me as a non-binary person, and how low my sense of self-worth was as a result of it. it taught me how deep the pain of many years and lifetimes and generations of erasure feels. i was crying for days after that incident. i didn’t know what was happening to me. enormous grief portals opened in my body. i didn’t have language, bu
this blog is a place for feelings, it is a place for critical thought, for wonder wandering through curiosity and uncertainty. for dreams, for tracking, for documenting my life as a queer, white, ancestrally slavic, welsh, and english, genderfluid, pagan, highly sensitive, psychic, hearing, heartfelt, tender, human being. based in turtle island. currently occupying duwamish territory.