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thoughts on dying ::


what document were you, 
before he entered 

what need, were you, 
bleeding to her
without recognizing 
it in yr own eyes 

why does the page keep disappearing? 
who are you? what are you? why can’t you See yourself? 

these are the things i write when i am sorry. 
these are the things i write when i am lonely. 
when i am sad. when i am heroic. when i bring my 
feelings to the page instead of throwing them on someone else. 

we use our words to heap feelings on people
we use our energy, our capacity for human intention, which really is a seed 
of magik, to harm, hurt, lock up, wack, chord, invade, disrupt 
other people 

this can happen. 
this does happen. 

(and it can be seen on many levels)

___ 

 A question I recently received from Sandra Kim stays with me:

" How can we stop being afraid of how much racism we have internalized? " 

 ___

we must again return to the earth 
\\\\ 
with the hands of our ancestors, 
their wisdoms, their remembering 
of how it used to be, at least in parts, 

of the ways of harmony, balance, peace, 
trust, and relationship, of apprenticing 
ourselves to the earth, to each other, 
of remembering how to worship, call out to, 
lose oneself in the sacred. in the interconnectedness that defines, shapes, and is our lives. in the web that weaves us all. in devotion to this. 

modern humans are stuck in the past and completely avoiding the past and disconnected from it at the same time. 

modern supremacy culture does not teach ancestor worship, or proper grieving, or ancestor connection work at all. it discourages it. it hardens the flow of the wells of grief, it denies and cages feeling, it breaks the bridge between their world and ours, because we are taught that when we die, we become nothing. it is the end. we are not taught about the journey one goes through thru Death into being an Ancestor. 

I am thinking a lot more about my own death these days. Not fearing it, but approaching it with caution. This is not borne from suicidal urges. For, I have know those. Those happen when the feelings just can’t stop swimming, and there is no where to put them. This is borne of contemplation, deep healing, seeking to understand, and spiritual longing. I am coming one move closer to feeling peace about Death, instead of fear. which is what we are taught. we are taught to fear Death. 

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